i hate when u poo a lot and when u wipe theres no poopy residue on the TP. it makes me feel like my butt hole is hiding something from me. just had 2tell sum1.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Saturday dinner is funfetti cake and merlot. Singlehood has come to this.
Maybe it's cuz you slapped him with a pancake last night
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I never should have let my cousin and his pregnant girlfriend move in with me. I'm never having sex again. They scare off men more than 'my dream wedding' pin board.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
we're tipping the strippers with chocolate coins.
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