The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
her vagina probably looks like a grenade went off in a deli
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
