I would like to feed your fingertips to the wolverines.
We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
Every now and then I'll talk to a creeper for an extended amount of time. Randy, for instance, funded our entire night of horrible decisions.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Why is it only times like these when I'm scrubbing the cum stains off my futon before my family gets here that I seriously begin to question my life choices?
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
She is still drunk from the night before, sitting here eating KFC mashed potatoes and drinking Arbor Mist before Anatomy lab.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Randomize
