This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
I heard a loud ass thump and then I saw both dogs coming around the corner.... Without him. I went to check out what happened and the dogs apparently pulled him down onto his face, knocking him out.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
the best thing about long term relationship is that the fact that i bothered to shave my legs today counts as a valentines gift
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
