Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
you kept begging me not to tell anyone you had been a bat in another life
Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
using smirnoff bottles as a pillow actually isnt as uncomfortable as you would think
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Just got a message on OkCupid from a 20-year-old who has "Momma's Boy" tattoed across his chest and thinks the earth is bigger than the sun.
Please tell me there is not a bookmark on your browser with the title "Christmas Porn"
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Randomize
