If I'm having a dream where I'm having sex and I can actually feel it between my legs because I've had a lot of it recently, does that make me a whore?
I have a feeling this is a serious question. Problem solve, Jess.. I'm going to let you figure that one out on your own
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Randomize
