I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
You need to tell him your pregnant or we need to stop playing doubles beer-pong. My liver is begging you.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Just talked to Laura, confirming that is my bra. Hope it goes well with the rest of your wall decorations.
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
He's hot and has an accent therefore you don't ask questions when he tells you to take your pants off.
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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