I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
Yeah, it was all very half-hearted. In the middle of sex we both just stopped and looked at each other and said, "can we just sleep instead?"
That is so sad.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
Pandemic Silver Lining: cheap hotel rates makes it easier to have afternoon fun with my side dick
Randomize