are you still at the devil's house?
Yea well when i pee it makes steam.
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
He spent most of his night trying to convince people that he had changed and was no longer a sleazebag...he had his nut hanging out of his pants about an hour later.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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