we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
told my boyfriend i was a virgin so he wouldnt feel bad since he is. now hes asking why his dick is so itchy. should i tell him why?
i don't see why you should, it's not like you told the other guys with the itchy dicks.
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
Visions of polite missionary are dancing in my head right now kinda and it alarms me
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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