do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
Your fb status are always so intriguing.. Often make me picture you naked
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
I think tonight's gonna be the night I wear a go pro while trippin on acid
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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