So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
He spanked me with a plate. I'm not sure where this is going...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am intoxicated and cannot bring you a burrito. However, if you want to bring ME one...
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
He would come to class in wrapped in nothing but a pink towel
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
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