I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
she's a gynecology student. i don't know if my dick's ready for that kind of pressure.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
one more hour of this work bullshit and I'm off to get high with your cat.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
Randomize
