im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
Currently listening to 'Just Put it in Your Mouth.' remember when i went through that phase?
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
I just bought 1/2 a fifth of vodka out of an old school baby carriage from a homeless man. Gotta love this city.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
There are 18k people at the game and I'm next to the one guy who pulls his underwear down to his ankles to piss.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
Will you trust fall hold me, so I can pee of this building.
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
I found a loose wire in my thermostat. Couldn't find the pliers, so I used a nipple clamp to fix it.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
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