I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
My vag is like the Sahara
Ew that's gross.
The sad truth. Barren and empty.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Randomize
