forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Dude, I puked in the stall for God knows how long. Halfway through, a kid sits down in the stall next to me and starts jacking off, i heard the porn on his phone and everything. so FYI, the middle stall is where good nights go to die
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
She turned off her phone alarm (which was the theme song to Star Wars) and then asked me if I wanted a blow job before she went...of course I am going to see her again.
Randomize
