Guess who got arrested for public drunkiness, and called jimmy johns for the entire station last night instead of someone to bail me out? The cop that arrested me drove me home. Win.
you need to leave class get on facebook and start untagging IMMEDIATELY
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
Why did I wake up to grapes taped my ears ?
Sorry dude, we didn't want you to hear us. Seemed like a good idea at the time.
btw, whatever u do, dont try and take that towel away from her..i tried, it got ugly..she said some things im sure she regrets.
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
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