I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
My penis is bigger than his and I don't even have a penis.
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
She's in Spain. I'm in Holland. World Cup Final is Sunday.
Dude, it's like the Romeo and Juliet of FIFA.
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
woke up on my floor using my jeans i wore out as a pillow
haha i wouldn't expect any less of you
Just woke up with only a scarf and my uggs on. i hate partying naked in winter.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
