I'm like a rollypolly, I only open my legs up when I feel safe.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
Apparently the library doesn't care about celebrating the day Jesus became a zombie.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
The last thing I remember is stabbing him with his diabetes medicine
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
I can't keep up with all the guys you're banging. I'm just going to start referring to them by city of origin.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
Randomize
