dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she fucked me tho cuz it was her cat's birthday. As soon as we were done she just says "ahhh tequila tuesdays"
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
apparently I like to do this thing where I wear pretty dresses and then pee on things on public. Picture proof. Four times last week.
Her tits are so fantastic they gave him a panic attack.
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