why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I JUST WANT SOMEBODY TO EXPLAIN HOW FORESKIN WORKS AND DO NOT UNDERSTAND WHY THIS IS A PROBLEM.
the higher we get, the more he looks like ray charles.
He looks like Ryan Reynolds from this angle
Since when is drunk an angle?
You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
Well I woke up at my house so that's a plus. But I'm pretty sure I peed on my sofa because I woke up in the pee position.
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
