OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
i'm home, then i'll come over
ightttt gangstaaaaaaaaaaaa
nvm.
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
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so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Houston, we have a blender
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
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