wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
As a home can we vote to stab Peter?
Randomize
