Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
So then she just shoved applesauces in her pocket and started talking about she needed to find her friends.
you didn't get her number why?
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Maybe it's because I walked straight up to that shelf of vodka with a look of determination that said "I mean business".
I usually have to have a cart! If that doesn't say "I mean business" then I don't know what does
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
HE BEAT A GUY WITH NOTHING BUT RAZZLE DAZZLE AND HIS FABULOUSNESS
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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