My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
jacking off on stolen wireless... gotta enjoy the small things in life
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
My walk of shame turned into having to get his dad to tow my best friends car out of the snowbank in his driveway
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
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