Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
adderall flavored popcorn. yes we did it and its awesome
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
I'm just concerned it's gonna end up in my vagina again
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I'll start choreographing the sperm rain dance now
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Its that time in the evening when I've had a few cocktails and wish you'd make a video about the packers and Jack Daniels.
Drunk on wine at my parents house watching "RugRats In Paris". Comeatmeadulthood.
What do you mean relationship? He paid for my tires and I gave him a blow job.
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