i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
you inspire me to be a worse person
Straight up if I get stuck with her I'm going to drink myself into a prison cell.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Walk of shaming dressed as a zombie hunter. This hangover feels like the actual apocalypse.
When i like your selfie it means one of two things. 1. thats a nice photo, friend. OR 2. I wanna bend you over a table. But youll never know.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
Randomize
