i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
Alosmot hir two of of mt mailanoxwa
Oh Jesus.
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
Phone sex soon? I mean date. Sex date. Date phone.
all 3? possibly?
I think I'm up to the challenge.
Found an old burrito under my bed
You are a sick fuck
So if I get kidnapped from my office and go missing for a few days does that count against my vacation days and do I still get paid?
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
I seriously want to say to him "Do you know how many blow jobs you could have gotten this summer?"
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
