Life lesson. Learning to pee left handed is easier than learning brickbreaker left handed. Rather lose a few drops than a few lives
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
It's hard to judge what a reasonable amount of cereal looks like in the spaghetti pot. We're out of cap'n crunch and milk.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
I accidentally called my professor daddy...and I think he liked it. Help, I'm scared.
We've been taking shots, cranking Marilyn Manson, and eating your bacon. Your kid is probably ruined.
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
