So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
She took a break from repeating "my face is still buzzing!" to say that the phantom of the opera could be here
i always knew that i'd have sex in your room, i just assumed it would be with you
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
Had a dream I beat up niall then madeout with him while snorting coke out of a dragons egg
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
We could just stay sober.
No! We tried that once.
It sucked.
Randomize
