We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I don't think going to Relay for Life and painting our faces while everyone stares at us is a sufficent late night after the bars.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
i was talking to them for like 5 mins and they were like HEY LETS GET A PICTURE and tequila said it was good idea
Someone left me hummas on my door step between the hours of 1am-3am
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Randomize
