i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Four minutes until I can fart!
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Who the fuck hid 3 Zimas under my pillow?! Icing doesn't count when it's 8am the next morning and everyone's left and you've passed out on your couch. Currently chugging 2 of 3...
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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