he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
I'm seriously so bored I'm seeing how many rooms I can masturbate in before I get caught.
Four. Poor grandma...
Nailed a drunk college girl before the CU game Saturday, and a drunk married woman after the Broncos game Sunday.
Some perfection is debatable.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Definitely but only if you hit on the 16 year old in the karate class as part of your waffle and gin fueled sexually deprived rage.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
You were just so carefree! People were like, "there's broken glass everywhere" and you were just like, IDGAFFFFFFF
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
Randomize
