Is that you in the white hat?
Fine suit yourself
I had five suicidal voicemails from him when I woke up this morning. They all started and ended with "DON'T FUCK MY ROOMMATES".
It was only one, it doesn't count.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Right now I'm standing in front of my fridge, drinking wine out of the bottle and eating cold steak with my hands. I am THE BEST at being single.
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
He tried to buy me a drink at dollar beer night. All 3 of his credit cards were declined, so he asked me if I could cover it. Needless to say, I'm not calling him back.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
"He didn't answer my snap so I know he's arrested"
Come on in and take your pants off
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