I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
ATTENTION ALL CONTESTANTS OF SLUTFEST 2012 ; not only will we be judging on how many penis you have sucked but also girth and length will be calculated. If you are found lying you will be disqualified. Remember your fellow participants will be rendering the same services to probably the same people. So choose wisely and let the games begin!
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I wasn't vocally whispering "she wants to bite your dick off" about that kirsten girl was I?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
