you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
Let's just says his mouth writes a lot of checks that his penis just can't cash. Don't waste your time.
You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
