think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
you keep denying me to hang out, should i take a hint?
you keep asking me after midnight, should i take a hint?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
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I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
I just made a steamroller out of a christmas ornament. I feel so festive.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
If you don't come out tonight, who's going to wake us up in the morning because they're fucking in the middle of the room where everyones sleeping?
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
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Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
As soon as he called me 'darling' in that Scottish accent... my pants just dropped.
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