i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
So A**** bought my story about how my hickey was a bruise from wrestling
on one hand i'm glad that i'm not in trouble...on the other hand i realized that the reason i cheat on her is because she is so stupid
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
...you put a chicken patty in my toaster last night..
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
Im on my period and I feel like I'm going to die. The only thing that can make this tolerable is for you to eat me out in the shower. Please. I'll do anything.
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
I know you're having some issues right now but can we focus on the gangbang?
I started carrying sissors in my purse to open plan B with. Both ashamed and proud.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
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