OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
Katie is reenacting me jizzing in her eye via emoticons...
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
votre penis est TRES GRAND. i used vous because your penis is SO big
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
i hope youre ready for a shit show because we just ordered a whole pitcher of red headed sluts
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
