I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
You thought cars couldnt see you if you stuck your head in the mail box
please dont tell anyone i was drunk
you were publicly making out with a very old very spandex covered woman...they know
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
