Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
I was 10 minutes late leaving for lunch today because I couldn't lose a boner. It is impossible to tuck it when your shirt is tucked in...gotta quit facebook stalking hot chicks at work
last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
there's a guy on campus handing out business cards. you pay him to see if your girlfriend will cheat. the company name is "tying up loose ends"
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
I've slipped into the part of my life where I am not having sex to get Phils tickets from this chick. I need to seriously rethink my life decisions
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
How will you ever teach your dogs to pee outside when the biggest puddle on your bedroom carpet is from you?
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
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