i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
She is the perfect woman. She cooks, gives good head and doesn't care that I have a small penis.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
It was everywhere, it looked like he just took the leftovers and threw them around the bathroom... Festively...
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
im sorry for trying to flush a roll of toilet paper down with my puke. probably not great for your toilet
This is the most scared i've been of my hands since i did shrooms.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
There's a girl in the bathroom crying about something having to do with cream cheese.
Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
Relationships are fuckin' work. And you can't just up and leave with no questions when you really just need to get home because you're about to shit your pants.
You're so wise.
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
