Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
New years is officially the only time its okay to drunk dial your parents.
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
Well he has a girlfriend. So I told him that I wanted to have sex way more than I wanted to be a decent human being.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
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