You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
Gina was bawling her eyes out and then she ran into the street and peed. she kept screaming "LOOK WHAT YOUVE DONE TO ME"
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
You know how I said I hit my head so hard I saw two of him and tried to make out with both? Well, it turns out he has a twin.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
In case I die. I'm in ares truck with a bartender named Dave from chuys. JUST IN CASE. And let the people know my last words were suck my dick. My like literally.
Hold on I'll be right there, I can't find my arm.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
I just found out why people like handcuffs.
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
