Twist it, pull it, flick it... Bop it was like the first time I touched myself.
I accidentally told him I've been cheating on him with his brother last night.
How did that happen by accident?
I was drunk and vomited all over him and thought, "maybe he will just stay with me out of pity if I tell him with stomach acid and alcohol all over his crotch." I was wrong.
I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
I can't wait til my little brother reaches the point where puking doesn't mean we stop drinking
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
What is the acceptable way to offer a trade of sex for a few hours of body heat?
i think i just naturally attract stoners
Randomize
