My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
sorry for throwing an entire water bottle of vodka at you. It was very wasteful
i would one night stand the shit outta him
she brought my homemade cookies with condoms taped to the box... im in love
todays sighting is titled: Bum taking pictures with an invisible camera.
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
He turned on read receipts specifically so i'd know he was ignoring me.
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Randomize
