I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
Oh my god did you actually lose a tooth
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
My vagina is very pro this idea
Randomize
