then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
17 year olds will be the death of me.
you cant keep talent like that locked up in a relationship
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Sometimes you wanna cuddle and sometimes you wanna get blown in the bathroom.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Randomize
