M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
I just wanna say I did some math and I lasted 1,052,000 more minutes than you at the bar before I got kicked out. That's 729 days. Bitch
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it a coincidence that the reminder on my phone to take my birth control is "I'm ready to party" from Bridesmaids?
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Well my summer has already been productive. I partially caused a divorce.
We just had sex on an abandoned logging road while wearing snow shoes. God bless Montana boys.