i want to be waterboarded, just to see what all the fuss is about
Lets date for the summer
Dont love me in September.
my facebook friend requests are always from girls of boyfriends i have fucked, facebook is the worst reminder of shame
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I told you, she may have multiple personality disorder, but like in the most upbeat way possible.
I am one with the molecules
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.