So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
So after i got done, she went over and got out her gecko, I felt like I was in an X rated geiko commercial.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I find it worrying that she bit me in bed. Then proceeded to write her name in bite marks. All without ever losing the rhythm of our fucking.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
i feel like i am made of mashed potatoes. i love cannabis pills so. fucking. much.
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Randomize
