is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Bless her heart. Her stupid, drunk, adderall-ed heart.
Worse than that. I caught my roommate jerking off to a topless stripper in gta 5.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
Randomize
