Texts From Last Night

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  (313): View more from Michigan

  I wish costco sold astroglide.

  (248): View more from Michigan

  i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about.

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  (313): I wish costco sold astroglide. (248): i wish my brain was less awake, and didn't try and picture what you were talking about. http://tfl.nu/mkwg
  Replies (41) Good night (3113) Bad night (1281)
• Favorite

  (740): View more from Ohio

  he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?

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  (740): he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine? http://tfl.nu/es01
  Replies (42) Good night (1341) Bad night (4172)
• Favorite

  (631): View more from New York

  I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future.

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  (631): I bought my dad an absinthe brewing kit for christmas.. looks like tripping with my dad is in my near future. http://tfl.nu/mg9l
  Replies (27) Good night (4612) Bad night (774)
• Favorite

  (951): View more from California

  Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".

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  (951): Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try". http://tfl.nu/107g
  Replies (16) Good night (1025) Bad night (5850)
• Favorite

  (217): View more from Illinois

  What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up

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  (217): What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up http://tfl.nu/ae7w
  Replies (43) Good night (1159) Bad night (6375)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender?

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  (404): What's the kids name that was drinking stale beer and redbull out of the blender? http://tfl.nu/bcp3
  Replies (4) Good night (1354) Bad night (2345)
• Favorite

  (303): View more from Colorado

  They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other.

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  (303): They had an entire room dedicated to passed out people. It was like a dogpile of cross faded toddlers drooling on each other. http://tfl.nu/yacp
  Replies (2) Good night (2946) Bad night (994)
• Favorite

  (415): View more from California

  Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.

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  (415): Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt. http://tfl.nu/r5l2
  Replies (10) Good night (2571) Bad night (1288)
• Favorite

  (908): View more from New Jersey

  I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level

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  (908): I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level http://tfl.nu/uegr
  Replies (11) Good night (5541) Bad night (1454)
• Favorite

  (713): View more from Texas

  Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me?

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  (713): Idgaf if he's a manwhore, he's like the mt. everest of penises. howcan I NOT try to put that inside me? http://tfl.nu/cdq0
  Replies (18) Good night (4121) Bad night (1173)
• Favorite

  (641): View more from Iowa

  Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples

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  (641): Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples http://tfl.nu/d5pz
  Replies (3) Good night (627) Bad night (1784)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during

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  (515): She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during http://tfl.nu/5f1x
  Replies (19) Good night (2791) Bad night (863)
• Favorite

  (727): View more from Florida

  There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.

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  (727): There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW. http://tfl.nu/nqj8
  Replies (6) Good night (827) Bad night (393)
• Favorite

  (616): View more from Michigan

  Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.

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  (616): Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me. http://tfl.nu/rp8b
  Replies (5) Good night (942) Bad night (382)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night

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  (860): Someone the age of your son tried to go home with me from the bar last night http://tfl.nu/cju1
  Replies (4) Good night (622) Bad night (316)

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