getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
after taking her first shot and having her first random hook up she finally feels like she is ready for college
she has no idea
You just seemed really offended whenever my cup was empty.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
We hotboxed his closet and accidentally lit some of his shirts on fire... do we have a fire extinguisher?
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated