Texts From Last Night

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  (805): View more from California

  I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.

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  (805): I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense. http://tfl.nu/syxd
  Replies (27) Good night (7103) Bad night (672)
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  (818): View more from California

  I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.

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  (818): I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO. http://tfl.nu/pbw8
  Replies (15) Good night (4181) Bad night (808)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.

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  (304): he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding. http://tfl.nu/d3lt
  Replies (26) Good night (6156) Bad night (845)
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  (316): View more from Kansas

  she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.

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  (316): she thought the capital of kansas was topanga. http://tfl.nu/ge7r
  Replies (41) Good night (3806) Bad night (1624)
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  (248): View more from Michigan

  I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!

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  (248): I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there! http://tfl.nu/8urv
  Replies (14) Good night (2560) Bad night (3617)
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  (714): View more from California

  i perioded on his leg

  (714): View more from California

  on. his. leg.

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  (714): i perioded on his leg (714): on. his. leg. http://tfl.nu/sr0m
  Replies (49) Good night (1161) Bad night (10693)
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  (717): View more from Pennsylvania

  Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK???

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  (717): Last night I dipped into my beer fund to pay for groceries. SINCE WHEN ARE MY PRIORITIES SO WHACK??? http://tfl.nu/2k2z
  Replies (13) Good night (3671) Bad night (1386)
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  (978): View more from Massachusetts

  Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat

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  (978): Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat http://tfl.nu/7lwm
  Replies (18) Good night (4418) Bad night (849)
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  (214): View more from Texas

  Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis

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  (214): Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis http://tfl.nu/ji20
  Replies (4) Good night (1553) Bad night (911)
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  (416): View more from Toronto

  Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist

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  (416): Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist http://tfl.nu/x60r
  Replies (5) Good night (888) Bad night (1586)
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  (845): View more from New York

  Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch

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  (845): Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch http://tfl.nu/iuw1
  Replies (20) Good night (3087) Bad night (936)
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  (419): View more from Ohio

  I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me.

  (1-419): View more from Ohio

  I'm out of town so we should be golden.

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  (419): I am going to ride along with a cop tonight so please don't get arrested because that would be super awkward for me. (1-419): I'm out of town so we should be golden. http://tfl.nu/4amm
  Replies (5) Good night (2189) Bad night (466)
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  (218): View more from Minnesota

  We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?

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  (218): We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant? http://tfl.nu/7kck
  Replies (3) Good night (505) Bad night (682)
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  (812): View more from Indiana

  god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends

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  (812): god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends http://tfl.nu/rf2n
  Replies (3) Good night (458) Bad night (650)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.

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  (540): The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it. http://tfl.nu/w84l
  Replies (0) Good night (446) Bad night (930)

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