New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
She said she had a thing for dinosaurs. Come get me now
Oh, I made pasta salad in the throw up bowl. I hope you don't need that for the next few days.
relax...and go to your happy place, which probably has a lot of dicks
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
I AM VODKA MAN
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Randomize
