Wait, we're on the hunt for addys and explosives. They're both in this house somewhere.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
The sun and I are not on speaking terms this morning
Kriste-san. Brian-sensai going to sleepy times acturry. Kriste-grasshopper will spend fun-fun times with Brian-sensai and glorious redbox movie tomorrow yes?
Most creative movie date proposition... ever.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
i may have just googled 'is philly rioting right now'
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