This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
I'm listening to bach and watching porn,is that a sign of depression?
Quite the contrary. Sophistication.
I'm imaging you naked, covered in butter. And I gotta say, I'm not impressed.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
Randomize
