My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
You'd think after all these years of evolution that it would be longer than a golf pencil.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I STRONGLY considered not bringing that guy home with me last night simply because I'd JUST changed my sheets that morning.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Whats your number? 5 or more?
Cinco. It sounds smaller in Spanish.
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
And god said thou shalt never deny free booze. And it was good.
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
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