You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
i haven't been laid since the bush administration. it's frustrating.
Some advice for success: 1) Go ugly early, it saves you time and money; 2) If you can't pork a princess, pound a pig for practice; and 3) Beauty is only a light switch away.
ur like the dr phil of bizarro world.
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
Remember when we tried to have fun last time..? I got put in a choke hold and you woke up in some ones car.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
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