2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
If he looks like a Gremlin DO NOT get him wet.
im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Stop. He threw up in front of Madison Square Garden security. Spit at the guys feet and grunted ughhh at him.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
So, since you're now a four night stand, I feel comfortable asking: Did I leave my sunglasses at your house? Or my underwear?
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
Someone is giving away free yogurt on craigslist. Can I get a ride?
Ims textiofg thsi woht my noes bcuz my hansd aer stli handcuffde to teh bedfrme. Help me
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