non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
so i definitely just saw 2 cops high five each other as they were arresting underage drinkers in 5 points.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I just worked out and used handles of vodka as weights. Whoever said alcoholism is detrimental to you health obviously has no fucking idea.
The police scanner is talking about you again....
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
That sad moment when you flush your Molly down the toilet at the airport & watch your vacation slowly end..
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
Was there a condom involved? Because he was saying he wanted a kid. Repeatedly.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
