My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i walked into the party and i guess everyone knew because they began to chant "ass to mouth"
i just stepped in cum. i hate you.
Thats what happens when you don't swallow.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm a sociology major remember
Well that and comm
Basically you majored in how to get laid
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
I don't think I'm gonna survive today. I don't remember how to walk. I must crawl 6 blocks to my bed.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize
