I passed out in the cab. Woke up to the cabby yelling SIR SIR WE ARE AT THE TRAIN STATION!! SIRRRR!!
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
You were directing traffic around her for 30min after she passed out in the middle of the road.
You really are best friends.
I was ready to fuck him until he pulled the "I might be bi curious" card. Now its turned into a guilt fuck. It's like he's a 3rd world child in need of a sexual orientation.
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
Grateful to be alive soliciting dick pics. Thankful i'm alive for these little things and especially these big ones too.
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