Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
I swear to god if you keep eating my cats food drunk I am going to kick you out of our apartment.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
our moms work together...I can just see the conversation now, hey your daughter ruined my sons marriage, that's probably how it will start.
Randomize