There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
I found your pet lobster in the bathroom this morning. I went to return it to you but it escaped.
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
skipped tacos for a blowjob. No tacos. No blowjob. More importantly...no tacos. Wtf?
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
