I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
I don't know what you're doing, but there's a dragon on my street.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Housekeeping just called to see if we were okay bc they came in the room earlier and we didn't move.
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I got my period on eclipse day. I'm officially in line with the moon.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
Randomize
