he puts the penis in happiness.
please come you make the beer taste better
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
We are so drunk I just let him piss between my legs on the toilet. That's love.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I burned myself with a joint twice in one sitting I have to say that's a new record for the least number of times I have hurt myself while smoking.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
Randomize
