If i come over, it means nothing
you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
How do I tell my hairdresser I want a hair style I saw in a porn video?
Leave it to me and my dad to puke on the same guy at the same bar 25 years apart
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Can we just take a minute to acknowledge that you're drinking with your gay ex boyfriend's DAD who is a DEACON??
Randomize
