i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
It was a karaoke bar combined with a liquor store and had a donkey pen in the back.
Keeping it classy as usual I see
I was short on money so I let my roommate mase me for $60
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
You gotta come over now. He is eating cupcakes while they are still in the foil.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
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