Who did Billy Mays play for?
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
He blacked out at the first bar and passed out at the second...we just carried him to bar three and four and sat him in the lounge chairs, he said we're amazing
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
He interrupted me giving him head to ask if I were hungry, because he wanted to eat pizza. Wtf.
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
I don't know which is weirder: that she was old enough to have a live-in son close to my age, or that the woman he was with was close to hers
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