bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Bridesmaid dress fitting. I look like a Weeble and Michelle looks like Malibu Barbie. I have to keep reminding myself that she has herpes so really, the playing field is more level than it might initially seem.
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
Ate lunch. Still drunk. Keep forgetting I'm in Texas but then I look around at the people and remember.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
WTF WHY ARE YOU STILL NOT DOING A BEER BONG?! THE TOILET CLOG CAN WAIT
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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