dude this girl next to me farted in the middle of a quiz and denied my high five
bitch
everyone has their kryptonite. mine just happens to be 18 year old blonde girls.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
don't pay it forward
I eont pay shit forward. told a stranger to call an abulance and peaced
You know how I've been hooking up with my ex? Well he told me he loved me and I said I was just there for sex so let's get it done. He looked sad, but he did it anyways. And life was good again.
Just got escorted to my 7:45 class by an old woman because I was too hungover to not realize I was four floors too high.
New drink: empty coke can vodka water maple syrup. Get on my level
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
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