We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
boyfriend complimented me on my new prada shoes today. he is officially either gay or the man im gonna marry. knowing my luck it's all of the above.
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
I'm glad I have good healthy relationships with my one night stands
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
Randomize
