He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
She started crying because the Rugrats grew up
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
Randomize
