I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
you better believe me or I'll punch you in the face
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
You told us that you were going to become a 'new man' and threw your tv set out of a window.
Nice. I like it when Maker's Mark makes decisions for you.
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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