My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I like to think of it as a lesbian feast.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
The dogs decided to play a new game called "Who Can Scream the Loudest?"
I won.
Randomize
