I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
There is a girl on the metro with no shoes and she's using a Crown Royal bag as a purse.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
Okay I take that back some girl just said pussy sweat. Get me outta here
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
I learned the hard way a garbage bag will not save you when jumping from a tree at 2am
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