the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
Holy sore nipples Batman
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Randomize
