So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
How the hell am I supposed to know what lotion to get her? They should have a dressing booth where I could go test how good it is for jerking off, then I'd know.
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
Just burnt my tongue. Not sure if it will help or hurt giving blow jobs
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
Just looked at the TV in the bar for the weather report. Didn't want to walk home drunk during a tornado warning
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