I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
Ur keys r in ur purse. ur purse is on the couch. ur cigs r on ur front seat. u drank all ur wine. mollie took ur jkt bc u cockblocked her. and in case anyone asks, the saints won 31-17.
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
That girl that gave me a blowjob, I think I fired her last year.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
I just quit my job so I could get dick this weekend. I'm pretty sure my need for dick is much more important than the customers' needs.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
Randomize
