Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
Oh and fyi, I've been drinking and about to do free weights. I'll late you know how this goes.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
We were running down las vegas boulevard at 8:30 am with our beers cause we were late for our flight
You said that we all need to "head out like a boner through sweatpants and get fucked." Jager night was a success.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Haha word. Sure I can do that. Help me find which bar has my pants and you'll get free tacos all week
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
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