I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
2nd fun fact: he has a square tan line around his dick.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Getting drunk and falling down, isnt the best way to describe your hobbies, to your new co-workers.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Randomize
