Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
would he be offended if i told him that "national coming out day" is october 11. thats subtle enough right?
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew from the second he called his penis glorious that I was meant to sleep with him
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
She really is something else.
Words cannot describe what though. The best way to describe her is to say it like watching a bear and a whale have sex. You don't know why it's happening or how. But it's rather funny and you can't look away.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
Driving, getting head and talking to your boss on the phone is not a good combination. I nearly died
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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