Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
Eating a grilled cheese at a strip club... good idea??
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
im single, its not even nine am on Valentine's day and I've already gotten laid. suck it relationships
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
Randomize
