Turned out not to be so bad. He had a big dick and i owed him for all the free beer over the year.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
He got a slutty, ugly mother of a 7 year old, and I got a dog that only sleeps and shits on clean clothes. No one won in this break up.
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Her family was right next to mine during christmas eve mass. Between the terrifying glares and her trying to set my sleeve on fire during the candle part I am VERY sure she knows im fucking her ex...
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Looks better than the half a blow job I got the other night which I had to finish myself. From a chick I refer to simply as "mom jeans".
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
My sunday was babysitting three big, drunk, crying Swedes. Unless your day involved four or more giant drunk swedes I don't want to hear about it.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
do me a favor, I need this weekend off so can you work your magic and blow my boss again?
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Randomize
