we were having sex in the shower and he dropped me. try explaining THAT to your concerned little brother
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
could you please not use my mortar and pestal for its intended purpose? i just snorted cracked black pepper.
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Drunken snow shoveling. Visiting my family is starting to become a seriously risky venture.
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
Worst walk of shame man. They had a fire drill at 7am, had to walk out of her all girl dorm wearing my Everday I'm Hustling sweater
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
He made me a flamingo drink and now I don't know why things are the way they are.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
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