just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
Sidenote: do you recall your "give me the d" chant
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Our house drank 90 beers yesterday afternoon before 8pm so add that to the list
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
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