You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
My room smells like vodka and shame
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
