He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
You just sent me a picture of a federal crime. Like. You don't give a fuck.
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
i got up, ate a McDouble, then went straight back to bed.
You sure know how to make a day worth living.
I don't think you understand. I woke up under the car. At 3 am. In the club parking lot.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
This little girl and her dad are walking behind me. "Why is he wearing pajamas?" Mind your own business, kid.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
just once i'd like to actually BE there for your crazy drunk stories instead of just getting the play-by-play by people who can't remember half of it
I pour the whiskey from now on
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
You know how last week before we left I was drinking outta that blue cup and I left it sitting across the road. Well, it hadn't moved and my family just found it, brought it inside and cleaned it. I think this cup is my soulmate.
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