That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
we are not taking body shots with the irish cream
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I wish I had a Tina from Bob's Burgers in real life. She would be the best wingman.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Randomize
